Melissa's Life Journal

I love God more than anything in this world. I am not perfect and mess up from time to time. Though my heart is true and He knows it.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

1/30/08 Drive Thru

Acts 6:3-4 Brothers, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them 4and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word

When life is one way for so long it's hard to let go of what your involved in. The disciples were doing everything and they were tired. They wanted to put their focus on what Jesus had called them to do. When Jesus gives us a calling its not for something else, but for what He wants. When Jesus calls us its because He knows we're good at that thing or things. He knows We will do the best job and that we'll like it. He called fishermen to be fishers of men...He knew that those men were able and willing to find other men to do the work of Jesus.

These seven were no ordinary men. This is one of the reasons why we need good people around us because what if a day comes that we need to lean on others. If that day comes and all you have are flaky people around you, you'll fail in your mission. The mission in life is to do and obey Gods will and path for our lives. I know I have failed many times that will and path, but when times get hard and I fall I have to dust off the dirt and get back up again. That dirt can be lingering on us just waiting for it to be resurfaced but every time we take a shower the dirt is off forever. Thats just like sin, thats the dirt and when we go before God and ask for forgiveness thats our soap.

God is not a menu...I'd like an order of forgiveness with a side of mercy and supersize the compassion to go...NO, God wants us to take our time with Him and get out of the car instead of going in drive thru.

Father,
Listen to my heart and how it beats. Sometimes its off other times its on. Take those off beats and put them back in tune with you. I know I have failed many times and I feel alone, but I believe God that you are with me even if I don't feel or hear you. You see my heart and I trust that everything will be put in order because I have decided to follow you.
I love you Always
Amen

Monday, January 28, 2008

He Is the One

Scripture
Acts 4:12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.

Observation
Peter and John were uneducated fishermen going around the world healing and delivering people. Jesus was a man of education and grace, He had a way with people and with words. People drew to Him in droves, but Peter and John were two ordinary men doing the work of the Lord. When they went in front of the authorities they were nothing special in their eyes. They wanted to get rid of them because they were raising havoc. But when they opened their mouths and allowed the spirit speak for them, everyone started listening. They wanted more of what they had and didn't want to stop listenign and watching for what was to come next.

Application
There are so many people who feel they can't be used by God because they are nothing special. Because they do terrible things and haven't reached the goal that they want. They think God can't use them because of their past and present mistakes. This is something that haunts me daily. Why am I still here? Why haven't I been exposed for the person I really am? But then I think about Gods mercy and grace upon my life. Without that mercy, I would be no where. I would be in the pit of hell trying to get out. My life is not perfect, but I have something that some others don't, God. He is the one that lifts me up in the morning after a night of sin. He is the one that speaks through me even when my insides are burning from sin. He is the one that lifts me up when I just want to hide out in the dark. He is the One.

Prayer
Lord,
You are the most holy and graceful God. You are have given me everything I can ever hope for and dream. You have made me into a person of faith, and belief. You brought me to this place and time for a reason and I know that I have failed and fallen, and I ask you right now for your forgiveness. I can't do this alone and without you. My life is nothing without you and without your love and mercy. I need you to see my heart and know that i don't want to be the same anymore, ever. Clean me and wash me, renew me adn refresh me. Put a right spirit in me.
I love you Always
Amen.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I will be with you

Scripture
Exodus 3:11-12 But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" 12 And God said, "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain."

Observation
God calls everyone for Him. To do the work for this earth, for the people that are suffering and need to know about His love and peace. God called Moses for that. The Israelites were suffering and they wanted to be free. They wanted to live their own lives and finally live with joy in their hearts instead of being bounded by slavery. God called Moses to make a difference in their lives and free them once and for all. But Moses, being human, had his doubts. Even though he was a faithful man and believed in God with his whole heart, he still had those fears in his heart that he would fail. Maybe he thought he wasn't good enough. When he asked God, "Who am I?" That was his fear and doubt talking. That was the side that the enemy wanted to use against him and make him think he wasn't good enough for the call of God.

Application
There have been so many times when I have doubted myself. I doubted if I even deserve to be in the ministry. If I even deserve to be in my office, in this chair, staring at the blue wall. Do i even deserve the blue wall? But God reminds me that He knows my faults and my weaknesses, He knows when I sin and when I just can't help myself. He replied to Moses, "I will be with you." He didn't say, 'Thats right who are you? I shouldn't be calling you!' He told Moses as He is telling me "I WILL BE WITH YOU" Everytime I think I don't deserve something I can't get a nasty attitude and think I do deserve it, because in all actuality I don't, I have failed the will of God, numerous times. But Jesus died on that cross for me. He called me because I can do it, I can lead people to His cross because I know how it feels to fail and to feel that failure. I know how it is to feel lost and discouraged. I know how it feels to want to let go of the good things cause i don't deserve them. I know all that. I just want to get to the place where i hear God saying "I WILL BE WITH YOU". I want to hear that everyday every minute every second. I know God is always saying it, I just have to open my ears for Him.

Prayer
Lord,
I know you are with me. And you will never leave my side. You told me this morning that the only way I will know what to do is to read your Word. You have never left my side, and have never told me to go away. You have never said that I don't deserve you or that I am a failure. You have always accepted me and wanted me near you. I want to be with you always God. You are my strength, my courage, my will, and my Saviour. You have brought me to high places and shown me the low places. Father, huumble me to where you want me to be and where I can see you.
I love you always,
Amen

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Now i get it!

Scripture
Luke 15:7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

Observation
Back in Jesus' time the Pharisees were people who were just plain hypocrites. They found any reason to try and test Jesus. Anything He would do they would question it and try to make Him feel bad, or catch Him in breaking the law. All Jesus wanted was to give to the people, share with them, heal them, and be with them. Jesus wasn't self-righteous, He wasn't egotistical or hypocritical. He wanted to be with the people that needed Him. He wanted to share with them what He had in His heart no matter what their background was. He didn't judge them or reject them. The worst people were Jesus' friend, not because He forced them but because He loved them.

Application
Some people today have trouble accepting certain peoples lifestyles, which is why they avoid them all together. When Jesus told us to go out into the world and make disciples, He wasn't didn't label a certain type of person. He wanted us to go and make disciples of all kinds of people. He wants us to save every type of person, because Jesus made those people. Some people have lost their way and need that void to be filled and healed, and Jesus is the way to do it. God brought us here to reach out to everyone, homosexuals, sinners, murderers, rapists even. Some people have had trouble in their life, but God brought us in to work and help those who haven't helped themselves. I am here to reach out to the poor and needy, the beggars, the helpless, the widows and orphans. My disciples can fend for themselves cause they know better, they know the path. They know how to get to God but if there is someone who doesn't know and needs help, than I am to leave those who know for that one that doesn't know. I am to go and help the sinner repent instead of helping someone who already knows how to repent. Instead of reaching for the righteous I am to lend a hand to the unrighteous to show the love and mercy of God.

Prayer
God,
I didn't know what this parable meant until now. I understand what you are trying to say through this. You want me to not worry about those who are committed in you, but reach my hand for those who need help. The 99 know how to walk, talk, act, and pray. But that 1 is wandering around with no where to go. Father, I want to go for that 1 and save them for you. Use me for your glory and honor and help me find those "ones" that need your help, that need your direction, that need your forgiveness. And God, forgive me, have mercy on me so i can also show the power and authority in your name and grace. I thank you for my life everyday
I love you always
Amen

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Narrow Door

Scripture
Luke 13:23-25,30 Someone asked him, "Lord, are only a few people going to be saved?" He said to them, 24 "Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. 25 Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door, you will stand outside knocking and pleading, 'Sir, open the door for us.' "But he will answer, 'I don't know you or where you come from.' 30 Indeed there are those who are last who will be first, and first who will be last."

Observation
Jesus was a man that did things his way. When He wanted, how He wanted. He didnt care if it was the sabbath, or any other day of the week. All He wanted to do was heal people and save them for His Father. The narrow door is heavens door and Jesus wanted to make it clear that not everyone will go through it, no matter who they are. People knew Jesus, ate with Him, chatted with Him, but didnt believe in Him, which were the people not going throuhg that door. But Jesus wanted people to believe in Him and God because that was how they would be saved and thats all He wanted was for people to belileve and get them through that door.

Application
All Jesus wants is for us to believe in Him. Its terrible that people that lived in the time of Jesus didnt even believe in HIm and I am here never seeing Him, still believe with all my heart. I dont know how it would have been if I did live in those times, but all I can say is that without Jesus in my life there would be no hope, no faith, no love, no forgiveness, no mercy, no grace. There would be no me. Which is why I believe so much. I want to enter into that narrow door and find myself worship God all day, all night, with no worries, no thoughts, just God 24/7. I want Him to hear my worship, my praise, my love, my faithfulness, my spirit. It doesnt matter how sinful I am, its how faithful I am to HIm. Do i love Him? Yes. Do I believe in Him? Yes. Do I follow Him? Yes. And that is the place i want to be at for the rest of my life.

Prayer
God,
I know you want me and everyone in this world to walk through that narrow door. I want to be with you forever and leave all this behind. I have no problem with that. No material thing can bring me as much joy, peace, love, mercy, and forgiveness as you have. You are a one and only, you are the only God forever and ever. I love you too much to let you go, I know I havent done things that please you Lord, and I don't want to excuse myself, I just want to show you that no matter what I'll never let go. My hand won't slip from your grip because you are the everlasting God.
I love you always,
Amen

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Take me to that Place

Scripture
Luke 10:40-42 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" 41"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Observation
Martha and Mary were two different sisters. They both loved Jesus and obviously followed him, but had different things on their minds. Martha was a worker, wanted everything to be perfect, didnt want anyone to think she wasnt doing her work. She always wanted a good presentation especially when it came to herself and her home. Mary didn't care. Mary was care free and liberated to do what she wanted. I can only guess that because of the way they carried themselves that Mary was the youngest. Mary wanted more of Jesus and she didn't care if her home looked terrible or even if her heart and body looked terrible. She took advantage of every opportunity to be with Jesus because he wasn't always going to be around. Jesus was trying to explain to Martha that the only thing she needs to be prepared for was Him. She didnt have to cook, clean, or look proper, she just needed to be close to Jesus and Mary chose the best thing. And when we choose Jesus, it cant be taken away. Jesus said "and it will not be taken away from her".

Application
When Jesus comes into our hearts He will not be taken away from us. He will stay with us forever and never leave. No matter what I have done whether a year ago or yesterday, God will not leave. Sometimes this is the hardest thing to understand because I feel like I deserve God leaving me. I deserve every punishment when I sin. I get so down on myself and beat myself up when I sin, but I dont fully grasp Gods redemption and saving grace. I just want to go back to when i didnt sin and fix it. But I can't, no one can, No one can make you the person you once were before your sin , but you can be a new person after you ask for forgiveness. You have to show a difference in your attitude towards sin and push pass the wall that wants to overtake you. I have to be stronger and more powerful in this time and get rid of all the mold in my heart that will impede me to sin more.

Prayer
God,
I have sinned before you and I lay it all down. Father, forgive me for those sins and help me to be a different person. I know I always ask you for things, forgiveness, answers, love, but I don't want to be ashamed and feel bad for asking those things you told me to ask you for. I want your love all the time, I want your forgiveness everyday, I want the answers to follow your will accordingly. You know that I am not perfect and I choose not to be, not even close, but I know that you have a plan for me and I know that you will you help me complete that plan when the time comes. You are my God and Savior, save me from this wicked world and take me to that place of joy and peace. I thank you Lord, for you and for loving me all the time, unconditionally. You know me more than anyone else in the world and I thank you for never judging me and never hiding yourself from me.
I love you always, Amen

Friday, January 4, 2008

Covenant

Scripture
Genesis 9:12 And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: 13 I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.

Observation
God made a covenant with Noah to show him how real God was. Sometimes God made convenants with certain people to show them His power. And not only that one person but for the generations after. If we look outside after it rains, every single time there is a rainbow shining. This rainbow is a sign from God to us that He will never wipe out His people from a flood. This was a promise not only to Noah but to us as well today. God is still keeping His promise to us, by sending us water, but not flooding us because of it.

Application
God has kept His covenants to His people, but have we? Is my yes a yes? Or my no a no? Am I as stable and secure as God? Is my word good at all? These questions need to be asked because thats where God will know our heart, by how strong we stay convicted to Him and to ourselves. God made a promise to Noah and to future generations, and He has kept it for thousands even millions of years. Has every promise we made been kept?

Prayer
Lord,
My word has not been good. It has not been secure, solid, or even acceptable. I ask you God to change my heart and tongue. Make me into the person you want me to be. Make me into the creation you made 26 years ago. Father, I ask with your power create in me a new heart and renew a right spirit within me. I love you too much to disappoint you more than i already have.
I love you Always,
Amen

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Back to the Beginning

Scripture
Genesis 1:1-2 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

Observation
God created everything for us. The heavens and the earth was made for us. The sea, the morning, the evening, the light, the darkness, the animals, the plants, the insects, were all made for us. For what than? So we can rule over them and take our place in this world. As human, we have the right to take our place in authority and ownership on this earth. God each gave us a place to take and as His children, we need to start taking it. In the beginning, God had to start somewhere. He started with nothing. Darkness is nothing, it is a vast hole just sitting there doing nothing. God gave the darkness a purpose, God gave everything a purpose, and the earth is to serve man. God took His time making the earth, which is the same as Him taking the time to make us. And not in the physical sense, but the spiritual sense. Every year something happens and we get to the end finishing off thinking "this was a great year" or "this was a bad year". And at the end God wants us to learn from that year He has given us because thats when our 7th year will come and we can rest as God did.

Application
God wants us all to go through life happy and joyful. He wants us to be the light of the earth. And if we're not the light than we are just the darkness. Holes in the earth doing nothing. The only way to be that light is to go back to the beginning. God back to where God called me and feel that joy again. Be proud of all my accomplishments again. Be holy again, take joy in Him again. Its ok for me to start over because even God had to start over after so many years...and He did it twice! The first time He started over after the flood, than the second time was with Jesus. He knew that He could make things better after so much time, and He did. So now, its time for me to start once again, after 18 years in the church, I'm going back to where I felt that joy, that happiness, that love that endured in my heart. I'm going back to that power and strength that I felt so strongly. And I'm going to encounter my God and what He wants for me, and not look back.

Prayer
God,
you have given me more reasons to live than anyone else in the world. You are truly my joy, my strength, and my love. I exalt you because I want to and because you deserve every single drop of praise. You are my worship, my adoration, my reason I wake up in the morning. I may not say it but its true. You are my everything, my beginning and my end. When I finish this race I will be with you because that is my lifes desire, to spend eternity in your presence and to always know you because you are the greatest thing in my life. I know you hold my life in your hands, because I want you to and I allow you...Thank you for free will that I can learn from my mistakes, and learn from your ever lasting love.
I love you Always,
Amen.